Game of Thrones Is About To Get All Of Its Murders Solved!

BUT IS THAT GOOD?

A casting rumor emerged this week claiming that Murder She Wrote star Angela Lansbury will be joining the 7th season of the hit HBO show, Game of Thrones. This is terrible news for all of your favorite characters and the art of season long arcs.

Lansbury was basically the angel of death on Murder She Wrote. For twelve years, Lansbury solved murders that just happened to occur around her as mystery writer, Jessica Fletcher. Fletch was constantly surrounded by death for over a decade. Playing a character like that for so long must take it’s toll on a person. Obviously there would be no difference between Lansbury’s, Jessica Fletcher and whatever character she’d be playing on Game of Thrones. For the remainder of this article I will make no distinction between Angela Lansbury, the actress and Jessica Fletcher, the fictional mystery writer from Murder She Wrote because after twelve years and over 260 episodes they have blended into the same person probably.

You might be asking yourself, why would this make any kind of difference on Game of Thrones, People die all the time on this show? The difference is that Game of Thrones has no world class detectives like Jessica Fletcher. All of these characters would be outed as murderers immediately and completely change the landscape of the show. This is terrible news for anyone who loves the backstabbing and scheming that occurs on the show, because Jessica Fletcher is out for justice and you know someone’s going to die around her.

If you think Game of Thrones needs a kind hearted, mystery writer to pass through King’s Landing and solve the murders of some old friends, you’re sorely mistaken. The world of Game of Thrones punishes those who seek justice, constantly beating down on the good guys and giving them little if any victories. Fletcher would out the villains of the show only to be murdered immediately. That’s not what people want for Angela Lansbury right, to be killed for doing the right thing? She went so long on her other show without being killed by bad guys.

I’m now going to place Jessica Fletcher into the world of Game of Thrones. If you don’t want spoilers then you need to stop reading. This is important. Very important.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Let’s put Jessica Fletcher in Cersies Kings Landing. She’s passing through town to visit her old friend the High Sparrow. But what’s this? He blew up in the middle of the city with the King (not really but presumed) and Queen? Oh No! Guess who’s on the case. She immediately figures out that it was caused by Cersei Lannister because she’s a world class detective and it’s super obvious she killed a bunch of folks to become the new Queen.

Jessica catches her confessing somehow because she probably tricked her or something. Then Jessica gets smushed by the super Mountain because thems the brakes in Westeros. That’s it, she goes to solve murder cases everywhere and gets killed immediately.

Let’s put her in Winterfell, now under Stark control for the first time in a few seasons. She finds out her friend Lysa Arryn has passed but she smells foul play because of course she does, she’s Jessica Goddamn Fletcher. She finds out it was Littlefinger! Then there’s a trial once he’s outed as the killer and she dies instead of him because he’s taken control of the Vail army. She dies again for trying to solve murders!

Now let’s put her on one of the ships Daenerys has heading to Westeros. Oh no! Someone gets murdered on the ship, because death follows Jessica Fletcher everywhere! Now there’s a killer in Daenerys ranks and it’s up to Jessica Fletcher to solve this bad boy. She solves it in an hour and Daenerys puts her in charge of Riverrun or something. That’s probably the only instance she doesn’t die immediately.
Basically Jessica Fletcher gets killed immediately because she can’t help but try and solve crimes and oh boy are there crimes to be solved in Westeros. The real questions comes back to whether or not you want to see Jessica Fletch die. She’ll probably die because she’s surrounded by death and everyone’s going to die at the end of Game of Thrones, especially the character you like.